Aliyah Marr: A Simple Cup of Water

The other day I wanted to disappear into the ocean.

I was feeling sad that I may never be able to accomplish what I want to do. Maybe it is not time. I felt a huge sadness at being blocked in this way. I wondered what would happen to my art, to my words, to my passion.

Then I realized that at a certain level, it is OK for me to disappear, that what I know as my "self" is just a collection of molecules, and that the molecules of my beloved Ocean is just a slightly different mixture of salt water, proteins, and consciousness. Here I was afloat on the giant being of awareness, and could easily just be in that awareness at the level of the basic consiouss level of a one-celled being or conversely at the level of the meta-consiousness. And that neither would not be less or more than my current self, only different. That our ideas and egoistic self are not the best of what we are; just a wrapper for the magical being inside, which enfolds a temporary, unique collection of molecules, and proto-awareness in the cells.

At a basic level I am just a cup of water.

Metaphorically, physically and metaphysically.

As I see it, in not seeing how the "whole" works (function of the irrational, non-linear right brain), we are lost in the trees of the forest. So, in even having this kind of temporal existence in which I develop an individual awareness is contributing to the whole in a way I cannot see from my standpoint. Like the proverbial blind man examining his piece of the elephant, unless I use my intuition and knowlege I cannot comprehend that I have before me only a piece of the whole.

So when I give up my ego's tiresome self-importance momentarily, I realize that it doesn't matter whether I continue to exist in my present form. That the path of consiousness is to evolve, and all our struggles are simply the birth pangs of the greater whole.

If I go away and disappear into the material fabric of the being that surrounds me, then it is only that my individual personality will disappear, my particular way of expressing the consiousness of the sea of awareness. My molecules are recycled, the individuality disappears, my personal history is gone forever (something I am working on while still alive). and the protoplasmic nature of awareness pops up another form of "me" somewhere else to continue its greater mission of evolution.

It is only my limited brain that has been socialized and programmed with certain concepts that makes me unhappy and disconnected. Or rather, I can say that it is the left brain, whose path is linear and not wholistic which cannot comprehend a greater whole, because that is not its function. When I live more from the level of my heart and not from my head, I find that I am no longer unhappy.

The Maya (illusionary life) that the mystics talk about is a product of the left brain, and that is what makes us unhappy, because it is disconnected and currently dysfunctional. When we learn to connect with the right brain kind of thinking, and learn to relegate to the left brain only those functions at which it excels; then we will know more completion and connection with ourselves and with the natural world at large.

I had paddled far out towards the setting sun, my tears mingled with the salt of the sea lapping not two inches from my face. The sunlight sparkled and sang melodies of color on the silken surface of the water around me. I was alone, a small figure floating on the sea of awareness, thinking of life and death and of how close they are to each other, dancing like partners who cannot let each other go for the sheer poignancy of the dance they cannot end.

Finally I accepted the gentle lesson of the sea and turned my board once again for the shore.

Aliyah Marr is a multimedia artist, interactive designer, published author, teacher, transformative coach, personal trainer, and motivational speaker. She is the author / artist of the Transformational Tarot.

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