I took a walk this evening just as day was turning into night. As I passed under the darkening trees in our local park, the noise of the dying autumnal insects suddenly and for the first time in my life, seemed very comforting to me. My mind suddenly stopped its chatter, and I perceived the sound as a heartbreakingly beautiful noise. In fact everything around me tonight had that feel, and I walked around the lake in a mood of increasing wonder.
I had spent two exhausting days and nights in a grand funk concerning my usual issues of money and security. I was also uselessly angry at myself for the funk itself. It seemed that nothing could solve my problems, and none of my usual pursuits could distract me, nor remedy the situation.
So today, for whatever reason, I took action. I had forgotten that when I am in a depression, action is the only remedy; it does not matter what action, as long as the action is directly involved with the issue at hand. I accepted what is, and made a decision to take action concerning my finances. This is what contributed to breaking my funk and allowing me to feel connected once more.
As many times as I have had to learn this lesson, I had to learn it one more time: most depression comes from resisting what is — the way out of the depression is to accept the situation and take action.
When one is in that dark night of the soul, these dual decisions constitute a huge leap of faith. It is hard to believe that these simple things will make a difference, but they do. They help by freeing in us a small, but essential amount of energy. That energy is sufficient to allow us to lift our heads from our concerns and see a different world. Tonight that freed energy was sufficient to break my mind’s chatter and allow me to be present in a new way.
As I walked in the park tonight, I found myself in a new state of mind: insights about awareness and spirit were tumbling in my head. I was also periodically swept into the present — into a kind of epiphany, a feeling that was a combination of spiritual revelation and aesthetic awe. When the wind blew through the leaves of the giant oak trees above me, my mind was not afraid to let go, and thus I felt at once ultimately grounded and unusually free. For a moment, I was conscious, but without thoughts; my perception of the world around me was suddenly more on a bodily level than an intellectual one. The feeling of being present and conscious to the point of being both in and outside my own body registered to my mind as a kind of aesthetic experience.
I suppose, as an artist, it is natural that I would experience a spiritual experience as an aesthetic epiphany. However, at one time, I would have resisted the idea that the two concepts could exist in the same sentence, much less in the same experience. Certainly, until tonight, I would not have allowed my mind to comment on any spiritual experience, preferring to let it remain apart from any mental judgments. I guess that this proves me a mystic, or perhaps just a romantic. However, I have come to believe over the last few years, that it is essential to enter into any experience with one’s whole being — and, of course, that means one’s mind as well.
Following many prevailing spiritual practices, one might be lead to believe that it is necessary to conquer or even vanquish the mind. I now believe that this is at best, erroneous, and at worst, dangerous. The mind is not only a useful and essential tool, but it is capable of the weirdest kind of self sabotage. I have seen it at work time and time again, subverting my efforts to connect with my spirit. Only by allowing the mind to do what it does best and by training it to let go at appropriate moments, can I gain some measure of freedom and wholeness.
In my interminable walks over the last few years, I have practiced this: I focus my attention on my inner body or spirit for a while and then at a predefined point, I allow my mind to once again take over. It is an interesting exercise to try to focus ones attention in such a disciplined manner. I select a landmark ahead as the point at which to shift my attention: I’d do this shifting repeatedly for several miles. I use my attention like the clutch of an automobile’s transmission, shifting from body to mind and back again. As I do this, I am slowly convincing my mind to lose its fierce grip over my awareness, getting it used to giving up control of my attention for a short time. At the same time I am practicing placing my attention on a feeling inside of my body that I now identify as being close to my spirit.
This is one of the most effective exercises that I have ever used; I believe that its effectiveness lies in the practice of shifting. It does not matter how long the shift into spirit lasts, just that you are able to shift. The mind needs to be at once trained to let go and convinced that it is safe to do so. The minute shifts in attention allow this to happen. The other effect is that the practice also frees essential energy, energy that is needed to make longer and bigger shifts over time.
-- copyright 2003 Aliyah Marr
First published in the Sedona Journal December
2003
Aliyah Marr is a multimedia artist, interactive designer, published author, teacher, transformative coach, personal trainer, and motivational speaker. She is the author / artist of the
Transformational Tarot.
Radi8.org - artwork
Transformational Coaching
Law of Attraction Club- tools for creative transformation
